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RETRO-SPECTIVE - BECOMING A HOUSEWIFE:
1950s Romance, Courtship & Marriage
A Check List on Marriage Rating
Every Woman, Whether Single or Married, Advised to Ask Herself Probing Questions on Attitudes and Personality.
This is the third in the series on "How to Get and Keep a Husband." Others in the series of 10 articles will appear on Mondays and Wednesdays in the women's pages of The Star.
By Kate Constance. If you are 30 years old and aren't married, something is wrong. That something is not necessarily wrong with you. Perhaps it is in your environment or circumstances. But very likely it is you- your attitudes, your personality, your objectives or your appearance.
Most unmarried women complain about a big shortage of men in this country available for marriage, either because they already are spoken for or because they are reluctant to assume the high cost of family maintenance.
Depends on Individual.
Yet it is possible for you to have many opportunities to marry. Read the following sentence several times and memorize it:
For every woman who is right and ready for marriage there is a husband.
Plenty of men are looking for women who are right and ready for marriage, and there is a scarcity of women who fit that description. But to make your desires come true you must prepare your mind and your inner self. as well as your outer circumstances, in order to attract marriage.
You've got to work at it daily, -hourly, correcting conditions that stand in your way. Keep striving until you form habits that in turn become character, controlling what you think, what you say, what you do and become a very part of your physical appearance. First, 'give yourself a cold appraisal. How do you rate in the marriage race? Be honest. Go on and swallow the close, Don't give yourself one iota of credit where it is not due. The very fact that you recognize unpleasantries about yourself means that you are being honest and big enough to "take it."
Being right for marriage means this: a positive attitude toward men and the responsibilities of marriage, and the same altitude toward yourself and your shortcomings.
Factors That Discourage,
Here are some of the things that often discourage women when they examine themselves as marriage prospects. Ask yourself these questions:
Age - Are you burdened with a deepening pessimism because the years have passed and you are 30 or more with out a husband? Are you bogged clown in hopeless resignation, drowning your disappointment in -work and reading, all-girl social activities and family interests? Are you wallowing in self' pity, consoling yourself with the conclusion that love and marriage are only for the young and beautiful and wealthy women?
Physical Deficiencies - If you are burdened with a deformity or defect, do you almost hate yourself for it and envy those who are happily married? Does the, knowledge that there are so many pretty, women suffering from singleness depress you with a feeling that the chances for you are so much smaller?
Education - Do you feel that your inadequate education is keeping you from worthwhile contacts where you can meet men socially? Do you shun social gatherings because you are afraid of saying and doing the wrong thing? Are you satisfied with a mediocre job because you are afraid to try holding down a better position?
Money - Are you one of those single women who feel that if she had money she could get out of the rut and enjoy a fuller social life? Do you criticize people who have money and prestige?
Homeliness - Are you homely, maybe ugly? Is your face or your figure so unbecoming that you cringe when you look in the mirror? If a man looks at you, do you feel that he is sneering instead of admiring, because you have so little to please the masculine eye?
Just Average - Perhaps you consider yourself just an average personality with nothing to distinguish you in a crowd of a thousand or even in a company of three. Are you so tired of trying to look beautiful, of striving to be good and decent and sincere and contented, that you yearn to throw your pretenses aside? To settle down comfortably to a slovenly appearance and careless behavior?
Avoid Negative Feelings
If you are harboring any of these viewpoints you are not quite right for marriage - not yet! Gel rid of those negative feelings toward yourself and your circumstances. Now let's lake a look at those attributes of which you are so desirous. They aren't as important as you think. A fat bank account, youth and a good supply of pulchritude help attract male attention but they are far from guarantees of married love. Young and beautiful women do enjoy a lot of admirers, but many of them are "propositioners" instead of "proposers."
Too many women, finding it difficult to win a husband, resort to every available physical means to arouse and satisfy the males they attract. In so doing they destroy the very codes and standards they would prefer to live by. Do not yield to the propositioners in the false belief that by doing so you are more likely to win a husband. This an age of unlimited freedom for the individual, and therefore it calls for greater self-discipline and more self-control. The woman who is different in the evaluation of men is the woman with high moral standards.
A man may shy away from married life with a woman who is too good-looking, fearing she may overshadow him.
The sad truth is that a beautiful woman too often feels that character and personality are unnecessary, and that she as all she needs to get by - until age creeps up and takes away her most precious asset.
Money and beauty often impart a deadly independence to woman, weakening her sense of responsibility and her desire to go the limit of her endurance for a successful marriage. She is likely to feel that she never really needed to marry and at the least provocation seeks her freedom. Some men are afraid of the woman who "has everything" because they believe she may be unwilling to give love, enthusiasm and devotion that more dependent woman is likely to give. There is a lesson here for every woman. Those are things that you can offer, if you will.
Age and physical deficiencies of any kind in themselves are not obstacles to marriage. The real obstacles are the inferiority complex, self-pity and defeatism that creep over the mind because of these deficiencies.
A college sociologist made a survey of more than 250 married young people which revealed that none of them got exactly what he or she had expected in a mate. The men were twice as disappointed as the women. Here are the qualities which husbands said they wanted most and failed to get: emotional maturity, poise, considerateness, intellectual stimulation and efficient homemaking.
None of those desired attributes had anything to do with beauty, age, physical perfection or money! They are matters of character and personality. Your success in finding a husband and enduring happiness can be achieved by putting your better self to work, no matter what your appearance, you have a better self - the real you, the inside person comprised of heart, mind, personality, character. Use it! The Kansas City Star, Wednesday, September 25, 1957.
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