ReTRo HouSeWiFe

Relationships, Dating and Marriage in the 1970s

Dating Part Of Growing Up

(This article by Dorothy Richter was published in the Daily News in February, 1971. I am including it in its entirety because I think it is a good illustration of early '70s attitudes towards courtship and dating amongst teenagers. Also, it touches upon many of the same points of similar articles from other decades. RH)

By DOROTHY RICHER Teen dating as we know it today is something comparatively new to the human race. Until a few short years ago parents managed the dating department completely, selecting their offspring's dates and mates, leaving the teenagers little personal choice. As inconsiderate as that may seem to us now, however, it was an improvement over the previous system practiced by a few hundred earlier generations when cavemen Casanovas snatched any available female after beating off her family with club and claw. History neglected to tell us how the girls felt about these hair-yanking boy friends but the boys, it seems, must have gotten a little tired of those skull-cracking contests just to catch a bride and gradually evolved our slower but easier system of dating as a means of getting acquainted with the opposite sex.

In more recent times, making dates has been part of the growing-up program for just about every boy and girl — offering many complications but also the greatest delights of a teen-ager's life. From age 15 or 16 until time for marriage, few things are more pleasurable than the happy hours spent with an attractive dating partner.

Fun and thrills are not the only objectives for dating, however. A variety of experience in boy-girl relationships is the only source for learning some of life's most important lessons. The semi-intimacy of normal dating reveals human nature at its best and worst, loving, generous and considerate or viciously selfish and destructive. And these characteristics, both good and bad, occur in both sexes. Through dating, both boys and girls learn to avoid the undesirable.

This kind of education does not come easily. All teens are sure to have both happy and sad experiences in dating. Parental advice and the young person's own common sense will usually steer them clear of serious mistakes but miserable disappointments are almost sure to occur at times.

The girl with a crush on that tall, handsome basketball player discovers after a couple of dates he is dull and dreary company for all his good looks. And the boy who has worshipped from afar the doll with the beautiful eyes finally gets that date — only to learn that she has no sense of humor at all. In both cases, they learned only through dating experience that something deeper than good looks is needed for happy companionship.

But there is much more to learn. Take manners for instance. Life would be hideous for a girl of refined tastes to find herself married to a man who is quite content to meet guests in his undershirt and bare feet - or to a man when he learns after marriage that his wife is actually a slovenly, dirty person. Extreme behavior like this may not be revealed as such before marriage because all lovers put on a good front. But unless love is truly blind, some evidence of an uncouth person's habits and attitudes can usually be seen while dating. An inconsiderate, selfish or slovenly person is not likely to change for the better after marriage.

Another valuable lesson to be learned through dating is a gradual, bit by bit realization of what real love is all about. Not that the whole picture will come through clearly while dating; that comes later, after the tests and trials of marriage. But during the dating days, prior to marriage, intelligent boys and girls become more and more informed about sex and recognize that true love and a happy marriage must have a spiritual side, too; something deeper than mere physical association.

This brief review of the importance of dating experience is sure to spark arguments in the families of many 13, 14 and 15- year-old girls. Very few boys of this age are actively interested, but quite a number of young teen girls are already pressing for the dating privileges of girls two or three years older. And now they will say to their parents, "See, it really is important for a girl to be allowed to date — for her entire future depends on it!" Then both parents and girls will write to me saying, "Please tell us when a girl should start dating and settle this argument!"

Fortunately, I recently presented this question to a group of girls who should be excellent authorities since they have just been through the early-dating stage. All are now 16 to 18 years old. Without exception they agreed that no girl under 15 should go out on regular, solo, evening dates. They recommended supervised boy-girl social activities in groups all through the school years, " . . . so they will never be strangers to each other," as they put it. But for boy friends and individual, evening dating, the group said 15 should be the minimum age and then only if the girl is sensible and "knows her way around." My own opinion and that of all recognized authorities, as well as most parents, agrees with this point of view.

DAILY NEWS. Red Bluff. Ca — Monday, February 22, 1971

Notable & Quotable

• "See, it really is important for a girl to be allowed to date — for her entire future depends on it!"
   
• Without exception, they agreed that no girl under 15 should go out on regular, solo, evening dates.

True Then, True Now

An inconsiderate, selfish or slovenly person is not likely to change for the better after marriage.