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RECIPES FROM THE RETRO HOUSEWIFE

DESSERT

Goofball Cake, American

The Most Beautiful Goofball Cake

Ingredients
  • 2 Goofballs (Female, Age 16 Or 17, With Negligible Cooking Skills)
  • Some Sort Of Cake Mix, lots! (no way, that's not enough buy 2 more just in case...)
  • Several Cans Of Cake Mix (Flavor Determined By Pushier Of Two Goofballs, enough gas in the car to go buy more after goofball 1 eats entire can)
  • An Oven And The Knowledge Of How To Use It - (Basic)
  • Shredded Coconut (Useful For Hiding Frosting Mess At Bottom Of Cake)
  • All KINDS Of Candy
  • Lollipops A Must (for pinning cake back together after big chunks fall off)
  • Improvisation Skills
  • Sense Of Humor
  • Case Of The Giggles
  • Note From Mom On Why We Missed 1ST 2 Periods Of School (Forged Will Due Nicely)
  • Adidas Running Shorts, 1980s Style - Dolphins will do, too. For Presentation Of Cake...
  • Cute boys to admire masterpiece (and not judge baking skills...avoid cheerleaders)
Preparation Instructions

Start baking cake around mid-night the evening before your event. Follow the instructions on the packages - what could possibly go wrong? Use biggest baking pans you can find, don't worry much about whether pans are the same size and how that will affect the baking time of each layer...you can feed the burned/underdone pieces to the dog and use the lolly pop sticks like nails to hold the good parts together. Remember! Frosting can double as edible glue.

When the cake layers are done, piece them together as best you can, it is important to stop following the directions after the timer goes off and try to remove layers from pans right after they come out of the oven. Forgetting to put aluminum foil down first before you piece together your cake also contributes to its unique shape, as it WILL TOO fall apart when you lift it.

Start frosting the cake while it is still warm. After you have ripped a few large chunks of cake off of the top via your frosting attempts, decide you are tired and will finish it in the morning. Go to bed and over-sleep the alarm. Break down in hysterical laughter when you see your cake the next morning, glob on every bit of frosting you have and cover any bald spots with candy pieces and/or coconut. Disguise remaining disfigured areas with whatever you've got, carry cake to car, secure in back seat and drive to school. Make sure the lesser skilled forger drives so notes can be written en route. Make SURE you change your handwriting for 2nd note. Have lots of fun and take pics.

Contributed by Goofball 1 + Goofball 2, 1983

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