ReTRo HouSeWiFe

DEAR RETRO HOUSEWIFE

Housewifery

How To Become a Retro Housewife, 2007-02-25

Dear Retro Housewife,

I am 26 and newly married. We both work very full time, he works about 48 hours a week, and I 40. Our house is becoming a disaster, and more and more the idea of becoming a housewife sounds great. We have no kids yet, but it would be a disaster if we brought any children in our house now. We eat out, don't clean enough, and are both kind of tired of it! I LOVE the Retro Houswives way of life, and I want some advice how to become one. Even if it is little changes I can make while I am working, and hopefully my hours will be less soon ! Thanks ladies,

RE: How To Become a Retro Housewife

Dear Miss Understood,

What? You mean you and your husband can't manage to hold down full time jobs AND keep your house spotless? SHAME, SHAME, SHAME! I bet you even insist on sleeping sometimes, and maybe even enjoying yourselves! I know your type! Well I've got news for you! You are perfectly NORMAL!

Hee Hee...OK for real now! The first thing you need to do to be a full time Retro is to get your husband to buy into the idea. You may be one of the lucky ones and have a husband who loves the idea (although he may not dare say so, what with the threat of being hit in the head with a club by some angry feminist), or he may need some convincing.

But first things first. You need help cleaning your house. This is not a judgment of your work ethic or cleaning abilities, but simply the voice of experience! (mine) Why people think that they can work a full week outside the home and then somehow find the time to take care of everything in the home, is beyond me...although I tried to do it when I was newly married (does the fact that I am now married for the second time tell you anything?) Hire yourself a cleaning service to come in at least ONCE A MONTH! Depending on how much you can afford or want to pay, you can go weekly which would be better, but once a month will really help you out and believe me you CAN afford it. You can't afford not to!

This will also help you ease into Retro Housewife mode, as your first task will be developing a system to make your house cleanable by strangers. You will see what I mean the first time they clean your house. It basically forces you to get a bit organized and develop an "emergency cleaning strategy" (which will also come in handy when you get surprise visits from Mother-in-Laws etc.) You will start thinking about "Where Stuff Should Go", and will find yourself strangely attracted to the Home Depot or Container Store. This process will put you well on the way to Retroville so that when you add kids and cooking to the mix, you will be able to handle it without missing a step!

RH

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