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DEAR RETRO HOUSEWIFE
Husbands
Married a Tornado, 2006-10-03
Dear Retro Housewife,
I am also a housewife, and I love to keep a very clean home. I know that my husband appreciates this, however, the second he comes home the house looks like it was hit by a tornado. I can't keep up with him! I've tried everything to get him to pick up after himself. Is there anything that I can do?
Kylie
RE: Married a Tornado
- Dear Kylie,
- Suffering in silence until you can't take it anymore or a serious case of PMS sets in, then blowing up like a volcano, comparing him to various farm animals and possibly including some unfortunate comment about his mother
- Pouting, sulking and moping around because he doesn't appreciate you (I know you said he does, and while I am sure it is true, sometimes it may not seem that way because of the ease with which he unravels your entire day's work!)
- Going on strike. Won't work. You will break far sooner
than he will. I know what I am talking about here because I tried
this one (ok and 1 and 2 as well). The fact of the matter is men
have a much higher tolerance for messy, and will not notice the
encroaching pile of rubbish until long after the men with white
coats have taken you away.
Sometimes you get lucky though, for example, when trying to do his own laundry, my husband managed to include the remote control to his new Apple Mac Book (His current Pride and Joy) in one of his pants pockets. Since that incident, he is not only much more appreciative, but he actually checks his pants pockets before turning them over to be washed.
What are you doing living with my husband? Seriously, I have the same problem with my darling and I can tell you it is not going to be easy. Here are some things that won't work, that I am sure you have already tried:
Pretty bleak, eh? Not quite, but you do have your work cut out for you.
First, try to explain your situation to him in terms he will understand, and when the both of you are calm. Tell him in terms of what you hope to achieve, not in what he is doing wrong. For example, "I would like to spend less of my time trying to get beer, soda, salsa etc, out of the carpet,. Would you mind dropping your glass, bottles, jars off in the kitchen when you are done?"
Don't try to get him to change overnight. Start with one thing he does (socks on the floor) and be very specific about what he should do instead (put them in the hamper). When he forgets to do it (and he will), it doesn't mean he doesn't love you, he just forgot or succumbed to a bit'o'Lazy. Just remind him nicely and don't make a big deal out of it.
Being specific is important because half the time your husband won't even realize he is bugging you and general commands to clean up after himself will cause anxiety in him, as well as a bit of resentment. Most men want their gals to be happy, they are just not sure how to do it.
This would also be a good opportunity to find out what is important to each of you in terms of a comfy home. Is he ever really going to appreciate the fact that you scrubbed the kitchen floor with a toothbrush? Will you? Sometimes we do things that we think the other person wants, but in reality it is not that important to them, and then are disappointed when we don't get the kudos we expected. Talk to him. Ask him what is important to him, explain what is important to you, then discuss how you two can meet in the middle and both be happy.
Good Luck!
RH
Status: NEW
