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DEAR RETRO HOUSEWIFE
Mothers
Mother May I, 2006-12-10
My mother does not support my decision to stay home. She says I am wasting my degree and am not helping my husband. She worked when we were younger, so I don't think she knows where I'm coming from. It really hurts my feelings. What can I tell her?
Jennifer
RE: Mother May I
- Dear Jennifer,
Off the top of my head, I can think of many things one could tell her, but probably shouldn't.
I think it's kind of funny when people talk about "wasting one's degree" by making a home and raising children. As if making Power Point presentations and saying things like "Marketing Plan" and "Team Building" is so over-the-top useful and fulfilling! Tell your mother you are going to use your degree for your own benefit and that of your family instead of giving all the fruits of your academic labor to some mid-level-manager and shareholders who would throw you to the wolves just for the plain amusement of it.
Tell her you would rather maximize your overall well-being and happiness and that you and your husband have a life strategy in place. Also, how does she know whether you are helping your husband or not? Is this coming from him? If it is, figure out why, and then book your mother on a very long cruise (YOUR Husband, NOT hers!)
Your mother is worried about you, probably because of something in her life experience (is your Dad around?) and the fact that she grew up in the housewife hating generation. It could also be that "housewife" doesn't sound impressive to her tennis club friends (although it is making a big comeback).
But really, you are telling her those things for her benefit and to make her feel better. You are a grown woman and are capable of making your own decisions. I assume your husband approves or desires this arrangement? It is nice if everybody showers praise on you, but is not required. Get behind your own program and quit letting your mother control your feelings. She won't change, so don't bother trying. A real Retro Housewife DOES NOT TAKE GUFF FROM PEOPLE MEDDLING IN HER MARRIAGE. That is simply off limits.
RH
