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Jane - charity fashion show or hostess of elegant parties.

The life of the future housewife.

Are you a stay at home mom? or a stay at home wife? Do you think twice when someone asks you what you do? Think no more! You are a Retro Housewife and you can say it with pride!

Retro Housewives in Space

I think it is a very lucky happenstance that the asshole who wrote and/or drew the script for The Jetsons is probably dead. This man looked hundreds of years into the future, and he saw neither working moms, hybrid cars, or a hole in the ozone layer. Oh no, he saw George Jetson, Astro his dog, (I name the characters in order of individuality and their ability to experience joie de vivre.) Elmo, the young Aryan kinder, Judy the useless slut of a teenager who followed the fashions of the 24th century which, ironically, still included belly button shirts, and then our paradigm of existence, our reason for continuing into the next century.

JANE , his wife. She was having it rough. Although her idiot husband got fired every other day by his diminutive boss, Jane did not seek higher education, start an in-home 3.99 per minute sex line, or , run off with Mr. Spacely, George's Boss.

I think today’s or a future retro housewife might be loligagging at the galactic golf club, or running an in home business from her multi-media toaster between pressing the button for beef stroganoff or the chicken cordon bleu.

When Jane, his wife, is too tired or tipsy to do it herself, Rosie, the totally unattractive and overweight blinking robot maid takes over the digital onus of choosing prepared meals from a panel of galactic delicacies. (Please note the careful planning and execution of creating a middle age house robot was not lost on Jane the consumer, who snapped up the Rosie model whilst giving hardly a glance at the “Bambi 3000, suction for your carpet and more” model).

No chance George will find comfort in Rosie’s middle aged persona and crotch-less tin embrace. The potential problem of “the help” being too young , too good looking, or even having taut thighs is averted by the presence of Rosie, who, if anything, portrays an image of “fat Auntie”, or diabetic grandmother.

If we apply today’s hectic work schedule of the modern married woman, we might observe the following: Jane gets her A.A. degree in interior design, in between her AA meetings, soccer games, PTA meetings, trips to the vet, and cleaning the house, to make sure the family has a reliable income. (Let’s face it: George is never fired long enough to collect unemployment.) And so with today’s standards we find Jane and Rosie two years later designing the interiors of every theme restaurant in the upper galaxy, Judy and Elroy on Ritalin and in deep therapy and George becoming the sensitive but distant type.

But no, this is not where we fine Jane, nor Rosie, (who is not the first overweight celebrity so named to reveal herself a as a lesbian, lets face it, O’Donnell paved that less than rocky road in this century; anyway, I think I'd prefer an Ellen robot maid, at least it took her three years to announce her muffin munching ways and she was still nice afterward.)

Back to Jane, his wife, whose wife? George’s! Jane was the mother of George’s daughter Judy, his boy Elroy and Astro, (who spoke amazingly like Scooby doo, yet never received neither a Scooby nor an Astro snack). Instead in the Jetson’s world, we find Jane, sans degree, drinking martinis with Rosie, (Rosie’s spiked withWD-40). Due to a slight inebriation on the part of Jane, his wife, Rosie must push the beef stroganoff button, take the dog for a walk on the in-house moving walkway, and still try to maintain some sort of robotic social life.

In fact, if Rosie made all the beds, dinner and shopping were accomplished by a button or two, and even the vacuuming was accomplished by a little round disc called the Rumba, which bumped into the walls but kept on suckin’, Jane of today might realize that staying home with the kids was the right choice after all.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? Tell us at the retro housewife hotline
 

 

 

Jane's personal hygine.

    Who couldn't use this in the morning....

 

 

 

 

 

 

         Men have a lot to deal with....

              George losing his job again?

                  Where is MY Rosie? The internet can't vacuum my house!
          Is Rosie happy? Do we care?
             About the author:  Nicole Jordan is a free lance contributor to Retro Housewife. She has over 5 years experience providing  online content for themed and ecommerce websites and online magazines.

A rhetoric major at U.C. Berkeley, Nicole's dry wit and word manipulation always produces an enjoyable, offbeat read. We just give her a topic and let her loose in her world of words.