ReTRo HouSeWiFe

THE RETRO HOUSEWIFE CREED

What is a Retro Housewife? Here is our creed:

• The purpose of the retro-housewife is to create a healthy, loving home which serves as a "Safe Haven" for herself, and her family members.
• Retro Housewife is a frame of mind, and is not dependent on how much money you have, what color you are or how you define "Family".
• We frown on "Poverty of the Mind" and "Poverty of the Soul".  Poverty of the bank account  is not a problem in the Retro World, even though it can be an issue in your life.
• Make do with what you've got and make the best out of any given situation.
• Making lemonade out of lemons when life hands them to you is a highly underrated skill (and also means you won't be thirsty).
• Keep your sense of humor. Cultivate it and protect it, buy one if you must! Sometimes it'll be all you've got!
• Do not confuse "Retro Housewife" with "Little Woman". Doing so caused us to undervalue ourselves in the first place and played a big role in the fine mess we currently find ourselves in as a society!
• Do not try to be the same as men; we are women and big shoulder pads in our suits are not going to change that.
• Stop defining worth and value in Male terms; Appreciate the men because they ARE different, love yourself because of the beauty, gentleness and common sense you add to the world! Love THEM because they will kill the spider for you, change your flat tire, and when given a little appreciation and encouragement, will spend a good part of their lives providing for you and your children.
• Appreciate the power of female sexuality; who was the genius who decided that feminine wiles were something bad anyway? If a little cleavage, wiggle of the hips or the perfect shade of lipstick gets your flat tire changed, broken washing machine fixed or helps you close the deal of the century, then aren't we smart! We are using our god-given talents wisely!
• Remember we ARE sex objects! DUH! If we weren't, you wouldn't be reading this because the human race would've died out a very long time ago! Around the time of Adam and Eve, most likely, because Adam would have been too busy waiting around for Television and Monday Night Football to be invented to have sired humankind. (Politically correct version: (sort of ) Insert your belief system's account of where the human race came from HERE.)
• Poor Eve! All dressed up and nobody to seduce! (Oops, scratch that...forgot about the whole naked thing.)
• But I digress...
• This should probably go at the top because it is very important. Don't become obsessed with being the perfect retro housewife. Chances are if you are obsessing about the speck of dust on top of the refrigerator, weekly move large appliances to clean behind them, or dress daily for dinner a la Grace Kelly in...well any of her movies really, then chances are you are making life a living heck for anyone who has to spend any significant amount of time with you.
• Which completely goes against the goal of the Retro Housewife in the first place.
• So smile, pull out your sense of humor, and enjoy life! Happy people are much more fun to be around!

WHAT DO YOU THINK? Tell us at the retro housewife hotline!

 
Calling Grace Kelly
 

Dressing for dinner, a la Grace Kelly. Better leave it to the paper dolls.

The Perfect Lipstick