The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500
Ten Things To Do To Make Your Lousy Existence Seem Grander
Start your own biography. It will make you feel like your life
is important enough to document.
Find a cause. There are so many, and it's easy to feel
overwhelmed. You don't have to try to save the planet, maybe just
give the local library some books, or investigate other causes and
see which ones really seem to help.
Buy a pair of shoes and a
handbag from some designer you can't afford. Scarf and keychain will
do wonders. Always wear them when lunching at Club.
brownie troop for all the bored girls in your neighborhood. Teach
them to buy stocks, drive a stick shift, ride a skateboard and give
a mean left hook.
Write to the white house. They send you back a
form letter, but it's a letter from the white House, so who cares.
Find out what an electoral collage is and whether you think it is a
good or a bad thing. Tell others at parties they should join your
Rescue a dog or cat from the city pound. This is
self-explanatory. If you are way too uptight, put out a squirrel or
Memorize three proverbs in three different
languages, and then tell your friends, "well, in Italy they say Que
Sera sera" or when you have the winning answer to a problem,
prefaceit with"nil desperandum" or when you see someone getting
their just desserts say "Pan bog paczy" which is polish for god is
watching and you got what you deserve (ususally something bad, like
Paint or draw a picture a week, Who cares if its good,
because you are now l'artiste.
Go to the mall completely
incognito, pretending you are 1/2 of Bennifer or whomever, and walk
around smiling that you can finally shop without being bothered due
to your brilliant disguise.