ReTRo HouSeWiFe

DEAR RETRO HOUSEWIFE

Martyr Syndrome

Unfair To Self, 2007-10-09

Dear Retro Housewife,

I'm a fulltime housewife. I have a very responsible husband and two preschool boys. I always feel very down and feel isolated. I don't have time for myself because from morning till night, I'm very busy with housework and with my boys.

Sometimes I feel I'm not being fair to myself. Please help me.

RE: Unfair To Self

Dear Nisha,

You need to take those feelings of isolation and "downness" seriously! Think of your family as a wheel. You are the part right in the middle (I think it's called an axel) and your family is spinning around you. Well guess what happens when the axel brakes? The whole kit and caboodle comes crashing down, and spins out of control. This is very unfair to your family, and it is also unfair to you! You are responsible for maintaining your own well being, and nobody knows better than you how you are doing. Discuss this with your husband, show him this letter if you think it will help, and figure out what you need to do to keep yourself fit and ready for duty.

I have no patience for the martyr syndrome. Finding time for yourself to relax, meet with friends or study astronomy etc. is not a luxury, it is a requirement. That's why people who work get week-ends off and vacation time each year: to regenerate and come back fresh and ready to work! You are not a better wife and mother because you work yourself to death. You are dumb, dumb, dumb!

Now get out there and make some friends, book a spa treatment or take a week-end getaway with or without your husband. This is not a one-off deal! You figure out a schedule, allocate some me time each week...how much depends on how much you need... and stick to it!

Get your husband to buy into it, and be sure that he is also taking time for himself, and that the two of you are taking time for each other! If you sell it this way, you will have a much easier time getting your husband to support you.

Get to it!



RH

Status: COMPLETE