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Facts About Santa Barbara
WEEKEND GETAWAY - CALIFORNIA
This is a stupid page thus far and I apologize... This is what Travelocity says about Santa Barbara: Don't let the name "The American Riviera" fool you. Yes, Santa Barbara has its share of luxury hotels and is home to one of the most expensive zip codes in the nation. But the reality is you can experience the superior quality of the local lifestyle and enjoy popular attractions on any budget. In fact, the most iconic Santa Barbara experiences come without a price tag, Compliments of Santa Barbara! Ha! Any budget my bootie - like how I snuck that ad in there for Travelocity? - Don't let them fool you - it'll cost you an arm and a leg - especially if you are annoying - Santa Barbara has an annoying tax - bet you didn't know that! Anyway there are a few free things to do - Like the Mission, which is brought to you courtesy of the Catholic church, and the rose garden across the street - that is public - have fun. Then there is the court house - that is a pretty awesome building - it even functions as a court house too - which means that there are plenty of locals who aren't so fond of it... go up one of the towers and spec out the view - it's worth the huffing and puffing... plus it's free - if you take the elevator you are so lame I can't even measure your lameness. BTW here's something you didn't know: during the last couple of fires, all of the ritzy hotels filled up with locals in about 10 minutes - even the one out at Haskells - I think it's a Hyatt or something - anyway, Haskells (SKULLS) is the beach where my friends and I hung out when we were in high school because they all lived in Embarcadero - and then the stupid Hyatt people had to come plunk their icky hotel right smack on top of our beach. It was a cool surfer beach and now it is full of people who say things like "ooh let's go up to Santa Barbara for the week-end" and drive fancy-pants cars and are probably all from LA which is ironic because back in the day, we used to refer to people who were complete A-holios as "LAs" as in He's a total LA. Can also be used as a verb - This guy totally LA'ed me on the freeway. (Meaning you got cut-off by some dumbass.)
I grew up in this silly little town so I thought it would be a piece of cake to write about, but I seem to have writer's block. Anyway, below is a picture of the pier. Every once in awhile it burns down and they have to rebuild it.
The restaurants on the pier are notoriously overpriced and the food is usually lousy. If you want to eat on the water, go to Brophy Bros... that's where all the locals go. I can't tell you where it is though, because if too many out-of-towners show up they may trace it back to me and then they'll change the secret handshake and I won't be allowed back to SB. Just be aware that it is well hidden, always packed, and they put up a few decoy restaurants along the way to snag the slightly less determined.
Another nice beachside restaurant is the one formerly known as the Brown Pelican - it can be found at Henry's Beach. This is not the official name of the beach - they had the audacity to put up a sign with a different name - and I refuse to use that name because it is not the real name of the beach. It is Henry's beach - not that I know who Henry is - but I grew up calling it Henry's Beach and Henry's beach it will stay.
The Restaurant Formerly Known As Brown Pelican (RFKABP) has been around forever as the little history pictorial right next to the ladies' restroom will tell you. It has changed hands and names several times that I can think of, and the food quality has varied as well.
I have eaten there recently and can tell you that the current proprietors are on the upper end of the quality scale. Good Food. The problem is that it is easy to get lazy on food quality because they have such an awesome location - probably the best location in all of Santa Barbara. So, Santa Barbarians show up regardless - there are really only 3 places to go where you can sit on the beach and eat (at a restaurant).
The first one is that place right across from Santa Barbara City College (more or less) and they actually have tables set up in the sand. Food is decent. The problem is that you will be forced to share your lunch with Jonathon Livingston Seagull. He won't ask, he'll just swoop down and grab when you aren't paying attention.
Then there is RFKABP, which is the prettiest and probably the best overall, and finally, there is the Beachside - but it is technically in Goleta. If your a tourist, don't bother...you'll never find it. I always get the scallop-kebabs with rice pilaf. always.
Santa Barbara is often on fire, as seen above in this lovely picture of the nice Santa Barbara mountains plus a huge cloud of smoke. Santa Barbarians secretly love these fires because they burn down their old 60s and 70s ranch style homes and allow them to rebuild nice big houses with red-tile roofs.
Santa Barbara Entertainment Book
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